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Adam Gopnik "We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. – Emo Philips profile quotes The highway cop said, “Walk a straight line.” I said, “Well, Officer Pythagoras, the closest you could ever come to achieving a straight line would be making an electroencephalogram of your own brain waves.” Emo Philips "You can't have a decent food culture without a decent coffee culture: the two things grow up together." My dad takes the opposite position: that I should wax the kitchen floor. The refill contained the antidote.Women. He asks me to walk in a straight line, so I do, then he asks me, “You call that a straight line?” Well, I should have said, I *should* have said, “Yes.” But I was nervous and the only thing I could think of was “Well, Officer Pythagoras, the closest you’ll ever come to a straight line is if they do an electroencephalagram of your own brainwave.”At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. He said, "Like what?" Short bio. 'My girlfriend said, "Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need!" I argued that Plato was the Father of Philosophy. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.When I die, I want to go quietly in my sleep, like my grandfather - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.I had the weirdest experience. Comedian. iOS and Android natively support 845 emoji, and Facebook supports half of them, including choices such as heart/love symbols, stars, signs and animals. Glossy Press Photo Musician/Comedian Paul Wayne 1. Take away fifteen minutes from that, and you begin to get an idea of what eternity is.I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. But if by 'religious' you mean that I like to eat coleslaw... Yeah, OK, OK!I think of my body as a temple. You have the right to remain silent. They all have two carts and coupons for every item. "Coffee is already known to be a preventative factor against mild depression, Parkinson's disease, and colon and rectal cancers." To save on mowing, get an emo lawn, It cuts itself. Vintage AP Wire Press Photo Comedian It's Garry Shandling's Show, Iron Man #4. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.My girlfriend and I almost didn't have the second date because on the first date I didn't open the car door for her… I just swam to the surface.Once I beat up the school bully with a baseball bat.
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– Emo Philips . – Emo Philips. What do you call a robotic emo that likes dark humor. But if by 'religious' you mean that I love others and try to help them whenever possible... Again, no. Why?” I said, “Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”I discovered my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. You can’t live with them, and you can’t get them to dress up in a skimpy Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash. They are all paying by check. PTxD. I’m no good in the morning unless I’ve had that first, hot piping pot of coffee… Oh, I’ve tried other enemas. I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon..."I'm very religious, you know. ... just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. And I walked up to him and I slapped him on the back and I said "how's it going, you old rascal?" And he starts crying... And I say to myself, "wait a second, if that's Jimmy Petersen, he would have grown up too!" Picture & Quote Uploaded By Alek. My sister married a German. You're on the checkout line at a supermarket. I said, “Well, the kitchen floor doesn’t exist, at least not in the permanent sense that the concept ‘floor’ does.” He said “Do you think the concept ‘your skull’ exists?” I said “Yes.” And then he surprised me by juxtaposing the two concepts. He complained he couldn’t get a good bagel back home. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits."
There are seven people in front of you. The nicest present I ever got was an exploding suppository. I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon..." coffee. It's the checkout girl's first day on the job. So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.The highway cop said, “Walk a straight line.” I said, “Well, Officer Pythagoras, the closest you could ever come to achieving a straight line would be making an electroencephalogram of your own brain waves.” He said, “You’re under arrest. Find Comedy Near You Discover stand-up coming to your town. - Emo Philips quotes from BrainyQuote.com "When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits."
... A Mormon told me that they don’t drink coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas…People come up to me and say, “Emo, do people really come up to you?”I was driving down the highway, and I’m swerving all over, coz I’m trying to change the radio, and just as I get the old one taken out I hear this traffic cop behind me, “Whee-oo, whee-oo, whee-oo!” Well, I shouldn’t make fun of his speech impediment. Both his arms were completely broken, which gave me the courage.My sister married a German.
He said, "Like what?" $17.00. Why did the emo try and cross the road. Emo Philips on His Morning. Quotegeek. Oh, I've tried other enemas." captivating quotations from movies, television, literature and people - curated by actual geeks. Emo Philips is an American stand-up comedian, actor, voice actor, writer and producer. shipping: + $5.00 shipping . His stand-up comedy persona makes use of paraprosdokians spoken in a wandering falsetto tone of voice. City and state or zip code. $17.00. International Coffee Day is celebrated on 1 October annually to promote and celebrate coffee as a beverage. - Emo Philips. Emoji - also called, emoticons or smiley faces. The refill contained the antidote.Women. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. They are all old. I mean, sure, now it's obvious...A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee.